Last night, tricksters bricked up all the entrances of the last drive-thru car wash in the state. Then they tied just enough helium balloons to the superintendent's house to lift it off the ground a few inches, creating a tripping hazard. These same tricksters went on to pry up random chunks of road cement and apply the right combination of exotic postage to pass the threshold of “deliverable.” Then they called up the all night sports talk radio stations and screamed, “Abortion! Abortion! Abortion!” on the air. And if that wasn't enough these tricksters devalued the currency and declared a trade war with neighboring Windsor, Ontario and left notes in random mailboxes written in the finest handwriting exclaiming, “You were adopted. It was all a lie. It wasn't your fault.” And later they stuck tennis balls and frisbees in visible to the public but impossible to reach places without the big ladder on people's eaves and awnings.

Ahhhhhh, goddamnit.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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