Turns out there's a place for everyone in the hot dog trade. Even if you're too sensitive to slice the onions or lack the eye cones to perceive yellow mustard, you're still welcome. You'll be up near the start. Just after the bunning but before the first relish bath. A little brush, a vial of soy ink and a can-do attitude are all you need.

As the bare dog passes your station, simply lean over, eyeball an inch or so from the end and paint on a face.

Happy, sad, confused or confident, the expression is up to you. Does he look like sad to you? Then draw a frowning face. Does the next seem happier? Paint a smile! People will pay you to do this!

As long as it has two eyes and a mouth, make it as pretty as possible.

There. You've done your part. Go tell mom.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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