I must do everything in my power to protect this cardboard treasure chest. It is filled with delicious, home-made caramel corn. Oh what a delight.

All-natural butterscotch flavors. No plastic liner. Just cardboard printed up with a faux-wood pattern and caramel corn. The lock on its lid is no more than a drawing.

It’s useless against the spiders.

OK. I’m going to set my knife on the table now and begin counting up the pieces again. I’ll use this sandwich bag as a plastic glove. I’ll speak the numbers out loud. You repeat them.

And get Mother on the line. I want her to hear this.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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