Sara says it’s time to pile up all the furniture and take pictures of it! Throw it all in a heap – even the lamps – and start snapping photos of it all. It doesn’t have to make sense! No specific order. Don’t even look at it. Certainly don’t try to use it. If your glass eye is in the end table drawer you’ll just have to go to dinner that way. Sara’s not stopping. This is smart business.

Sara gets her friends to help with the bigger furniture. That weight problem won’t save the couch. Heave it on, guys! Bookcases filled with clown glass! Kick ’em over! Sara even unscrews the ceiling fan. Oh it’s getting hot in here, I can’t breathe, oh well. Throw it on the pile!

All of it goes on the big old furniture mountain. Which is dumped right in the walkway. Right on the floor, which is made for walking – but not today! Today it holds a heap! This room is unusable!


And don’t change angles. They should all look the same!

And then Sara deletes them all. Without even looking at them. This’ll go on all day. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!

Then dump the camera on! And leave it there! For someone else to deal with. It’s their fault for being a sucker!

And then Sara prints the best photo and mails it to Aunt Marge. Oh Aunt Marge loves a good furniture pile.

And you know what Sara says: “To Hell With All of You!”

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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