Today the town gathered up the bad kids and washed ’em all out to sea. All of them. WHOOSH! Finally gone.

All the rotten kids, the little thugs and punks, kids with one eye, and all the twice-returned orphans. All of them. That weirdo that always walks by the front yard smelling like eggs – GONE! That kid who climbs up the trees and never comes down – they got him too.

Police did a real fine job with it. Used gloves and nets. Big poking sticks. Didn’t spend too much time looking in the schools, either. I understand they found most of these kids down under the bridge, burning cardboard. It’s always something.

They gathered them all up. Put ’em right in front of the turbine. The one they use for floods. They let old Miss Clara – bless her heart, she owns all that pretty glass – they let her pull the lever. AND VOOM! There they went! HEE HEE! Doc says only takes ’em 90 seconds to get out to international waters. Pentagon Money! Makes no difference. Just get rid of them.


The Town tells the parents they’re doing this in preparation for the 2016 Olympics. I tell ’em it’s cause those kids were rotten.

The 2016 Summer Games will be held in London, England.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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