America is a land of endless hate.

It is here that the Easter holiday is celebrated by filling hundreds of shopping carts with boxes of dried potato mash, lighting them aflame and hurtling them, en masse, off rooftops and piers.

All the while, choirs of homeless men – 40 strong in some cases – grunt the theme to Mission Impossible.

Here in America, children are taught to explode on cue. And all the cartoon shows are made of Old Men. Even the President must watch them. They are drawn by the blind out near the meat freezers.

In America, hope is a mattress factory. There the afternoon foreman breathes on each employee. The breaths make them fatter. Nothing is done about this at the federal level. Here in the counties, though, the man that refuses to inhale his boss’ odor is denied advancement.

Thus the hatred grows.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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