TV seemed like such a good idea at the time. The miracle of imagery and sound, beamed live around the world, through the air, carried by invisible elves.

Even a few years into the reign of the Lobster Men, TV was still a friend you could count on to never betray you. Sure most of the shows now starred Lobster Men (or Lobster Men in drag) but they were basically unchanged. I can watch a Lobster Man give away sets of tires to celebrity charities. It has the same effect.

Now, though, TV doesn’t feel good. Maybe it’s because all the shows are performed in Lobster Man language. A language that’s primarily chomping and grinding sounds. Or it’s because there’s really only one show now: Lobster Man after Lobster Man, one after the other, hour after hour, reading off the sins of the human race.

Maybe I just resent TV now because it has evolved into something the Lobster Men require me to be touching with bare skin for the duration of my viewing session. You only used to had to do that when Santa Claus was making a speech.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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