“I’m calling about the Halloween Magic Show,” the voice in the phone said. “It sounds like a great time.”

It was our Mayor, Mayor Williamson, waking me up at 4:30 this morning with his grating excitement.

“Are there gonna be spiders? I like spiders.”

“Mayor, I’m not having a Halloween Magic Show.”

“When we’re done will I be magic? I want to cast magic spells on people, but only if I know how.”

“I don’t believe in magic, Mayor.”

“Will this year’s Magic Show be better than last year’s? Last year’s had a Mummy!”

“Mayor. I was convicted of computer hacking in 1997. As part of my probation, I’m not allowed to be in the same room as Mummies or Werewolves or any other supernatural creature. I have to pretend you didn’t ask that last question.”

“Should I pass a law that lets Halloween last an extra hour? I really want to.”

“Mayor, the town had to elect you because your first name is “Mayor.” People can only be pushed so far.”

“Can I move in with you? My house is filled with scary shadows.”


Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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