What many people who aren’t from here don’t realize is that our soil is different. Digging down less than a foot reveals not dark, hard clay or brown growing soil, but instead small, neon-colored pebbles and stones used to line aquariums. The upper peninsula’s steep rock outcroppings offer the best view of these layers. Neon Pink, Yellow and Orange are near the top and grow some of the best lard beets available while blues and purples are deeper, surrounding most of the inland water table. All colors are sweet to the taste except for the silver stones which have a metallic-egg taste.
The soil is probably the result of the healing and buffeting powers of the great lakes god Jon-Jon. Scientists have plenty of theories about how our soil got to be this way but we all know they aren’t to be trusted since they claimed toasters could talk.