A man named Erick who lives in the area, has been gifted with the cruel ability to see narrowly into the future. It’s nothing useful. He can’t predict natural disasters, nor can he prevent accidents or win the lottery. He also can’t foresee costly dental work as his teeth are green. Rain forest green. They look and smell like toenails.

Anyway I digress. Old Erick cannot see very well into the future except when it comes to terribly useless things like what kind of prize will come tumbling out of a quarter machine’s plastic egg or how parades will end. He can’t tell you who the new Pope will be but he can safely predict you won’t like his Aunt’s casserole. Even though we both know how much it means to her.

As a result of his uselessness, the town council voted to leash him to a stump out back most of the year to keep him from ruining TV shows.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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