Michigan’s Cowboys all live deep under the lake. Sometimes you see them holding their breath, skulking through swamps, eating glass bottles and storm refuse. They are unapproachable and largely made of stone. They were here long before us and will be here long after.

When needed, though, they are ready to defend this stats’s people and mineral resources from marauders and thieves and those giant land turtles that eat rock from Ohio.

As a bonus, they’ll let you sharpen any kitchen or hunting knives on their thighs or backs. They only ask for a single kiss.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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