The only reasonable course of action is to construct a scaffolding around the entirety of your head to hold multiple, solid metal bells. These bells will ring each time you have a bad thought.

They will ring twice each time you have a good idea.

If you spring for the 15-bell set, they will play a stripped down version of Whitesnake’s “Crying in the Rain ’87” every time you think of your Dad.

And as an added bonus, the scaffolding will require you to sleep sitting up and keep you safe from the draft.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

View all posts

Add comment

Your email address will not be published.