Officials dredged the remains of Haircut Dave out of canal 18 this weekend. He was last seen among the living back in June.

Police have ruled his death a suicide, but we all know better. Haircut Dave was silenced by rogue elements of the intelligence community because the haircuts he gave – his art – revealed unspoken truths about the political decay of late-stage American Capitalism and made a person’s forehead look too big.

Papers say there won’t be a funeral.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

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