Officials dredged the remains of Haircut Dave out of canal 18 this weekend. He was last seen among the living back in June.
Police have ruled his death a suicide, but we all know better. Haircut Dave was silenced by rogue elements of the intelligence community because the haircuts he gave – his art – revealed unspoken truths about the political decay of late-stage American Capitalism and made a person’s forehead look too big.
Papers say there won’t be a funeral.