MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 09/01/11

Local state senator and all around family man, Bill “Billy” Bankus is having another of his yearly rallies to promote the adoption of an extra calendar day for August. His “August 32nd” event always draws a large crowd due to voters’ inherent distrust of contemporary calendars and the free potato salad.

Sen. Bankus himself is so buoyed by the event he even takes all of the mothballs out of his mouth before delivering the capstone speech rallying against “the east coast and its wicked calendar.” Even his dead left foot starts twitching as the crowd’s rage and excitement boils over and the group vomiting begins.

Everyone knows the senator’s initiative is going nowhere as by this point in the season, the local car washes have already printed up their giveaway dashboard calendars for next year. But Sen. Bankus remains optimistic. His skin may be gray but the pig valve the doctors implanted in his chest is young and strong and will keep him slowly bumping into walls, backing up and then walking back into the same walls for many legislative sessions to come.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

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