MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/25/11

As I’m sure you’re aware, The Trial of Jon VanTorre ended in a mistrial when the Judge suffered a near-fatal snake bite shortly before closing arguments. As of this writing, the Judge has yet to regain total control of his wrists and left hand fingers.

A circuit Judge came down the next day and released V on bail and lawyers began debating dates for a new trial sometime next year. Although he was not shackled at the time, V requested that he be placed in shackles so he could burst through them while on the court steps. Cost of the cuffs and chains were to be billed to me, Chris Weagel.

V immediately chartered a small plane to the islands, determined to bring about justice himself and collect the head of one Professor Dandenson as well as the rumored Gypsy Stone itself.

He left so quickly, he did not retrieve his personal belongings – including cell phone and pocket photo of the Pope – from the jail house mother. His only means of communication, I fear, is a small signaling mirror taped to his back by the county corrections department. He doesn’t even have quarters for a pinball showdown should such a challenge be issued!

I did, however, receive a telegram, written on airport stationary, requesting I “be a man and learn to eat meat again.”

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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