MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/15/11

Men built of courage, not sticks. That’s what’s needed here.

If we’re ever going to rid this house of a gargantuan furnace monster there cannot be any time for cowards. And no time spent planning and hemming and hawing. No energy wasted on assessments and projections.

Pick up a club and start beating the furnace until you go blind!

The noise and clammer will draw out the beast! Then set upon it with your teeth and your wrist muscles and tear it to shreds before it has time it straighten its tie.

THIS IS NO TIME FOR MERCY! THE BEAST MUST BE DESTROYED!

And if it hurts – if this fury starts to cause you pain – and you start to cry – THEN CRY! Your tears will burn through its skin and pierce its heart. They’ll remind this furnace monster whose house this is and that its true owners do not appreciate having their fruit smoothie mornings disrupted by mechanical belchings!

THEY SEEK PEACE AND COMFORT! NOT THE BACON ARMS OF A FURNACE MONSTER WITH TAR SKIN!

The gods will honor your courage. And many finger-paintings will depict your deeds to inspire those born without strong hearts.

AAAAHHHHUGGHHH!

TAGS:

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply