MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/08/11

My audio cassette tape lecture series on stomach exercises has been discounted AGAIN. Now the entire 18-tape set plus full color diagram pamphlet is available for only $70.

These are high-fidelity audio cassettes recorded in a noise-cancelling isolation chamber normally used to test the dynamics of full plates of food being dropped on the ground.

Each and every stomach twist, twirl, knot, pinch, and gouge is captured in full stereo. Strains and grunts have been edited out so that you can focus directly on the aural shivers of abdominal fat.

This tape set makes a great gift!

These stomach exercises were not designed to give you a rippled or chiseled stature but were instead created to bring out the consciousness inherent in all of our guts. They will acquaint you with your stomach’s unique personality and humors and will better prepare you for its inevitable rebellion against you during your later years.

Arm yourself with knowledge. Knowledge of the stomach. And its ways.

Each stomach is different. After a successful round of my exercises some of your stomachs will be lifting cars. Other stomachs will prefer the quiet, contemplative life of the north Georgian Mountains. Either way you will be the better man.

These audio tapes come unlabeled and may be listened to in any order.
DO NOT SEND CASH!

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

One Response to “MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 08/08/11”

  1. Maddie Seidel 08/08/11 at 8:43 am #

    I’ll order seven.

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