“Not guilty, your honor.”

So said V, Jon VanTorre, our once and future king.

How V found himself on the wrong side of an arcane, ancient law designed to trap escaped circus bears posing as humans was not important. What was important was the 80+ year sentence V was facing if things went south.

“I can break stones, but I cannot break Father Time,” V was overheard saying to a reporter.

It was a frame up from the start. V knew it. The judge knew it. All of the townsfolk knew it too. Through his extensive charity work over the years V had made himself many powerful enemies at all levels of society. Each angry that his good works had revealed their interests to be the empty cardboard cereal boxes they were.

“Gentlemen of the jury, you have here an uncontrollable force capable of tearing off entire roofs with one blow,” stated the prosecution.

“I did that to help people,” said V.

I was overwhelmed when V asked me, Chris Weagel, to be his lawyer. So much so that I immediately passed out and did not fully recover until 8 weeks into the trial. To my great shame, V had only an old-time cash register to represent him in court. The kind with the little pop-up price tabs.

Chnkkk-CHING! it would ring out.

“Ugh. ‘No Sale’ again.”



About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

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