You’re saying I get to design my own board game?

I do?

I without the pretty thumbs?

I can include as many dice as I want? Even 7? So that each player has to roll for the player seated to her left if they wish to advance?

What if I were to include biting as part of normal gameplay?

Would it be acceptable for the game board itself to be split down the middle – one side lavishly appointed, with Pop-Up, Real Plastic Villages and Forests with lighted Elf Towns and a Water Wheel and Pop-o-Matic Everything all done in silver – while the other side is left gray and flat and dryer than a Mid-Century Church Paper?

And what if I demanded that all commercials for my board game featured children whose mouths were stuffed full of unhealthy marshmallows so that they had to deliver their (many) lines through a thick fog of foam and spit and mess and fluff – And still sound like they’re having the time of their life?

And if this game of mine, whose name would be written in full Arabic as a direct challenge to the bigotry and hatred of southern shop-keeps everywhere, were to cost $40 Million dollars?

Why haven’t you answered me, Charles? Always looking out that window? What do you see there? Your childhood? It’s gone away, Charles. It’s gone away forever.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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