People say I have an unreasonable obsession with envelopes. That I horde too many of them. That those I do horde are irregularly shaped and colored and so rendered largely useless for everyday mailings.
People accuse me of spending too much time in stationary shoppes, disturbing their window displays without permission. That I am too concerned with the glue and folding of my neighbors’ envelopes and ask too many awkward questions about them during dinner parties. That I far too often attempt a citizen’s arrest when I receive mail from these neighbors sent in an unsatisfactory envelope.
People say I’m only interested in storing photographs of stuffed animals in my envelopes.
YOU ARE ALL INVITED TO COME DOWN TO MY RIVER BENCH AND HELP ME TAPE THOSE LITTLE PIECES OF CELLOPHANE INTO No. 5 WINDOW ENVELOPES AND SAY IT ALL TO MY FACE.
AND THEN WE’LL SEE.