NIGHTCAP 06/22/11

A Severe Thunderstorm Warning has been issued. You’re filled with terror. You start to panic, knowing you and your family are unprepared. You never thought this could happen to you. Only those suckers on TV. You’re too smart. You wear clean pants.

Mother Nature doesn’t care about your clean pants. And now, in a mere thirty seconds, she’s going to bring down all of God’s Fury, right on your head. Piercing Rain. Shattering Thunder. Hail that’s as ugly as it is round. And sharp, too. As soon as you make the wrong move – ZAMM! Lighting strikes you straight to hell.

“Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I prepare?” Wasting time asking yourself questions you don’t have answers for. You had the brochures. You knew you should’ve bought extra batteries for the emergency radio. That you should’ve filled a 60 Gallon Garbage can with fresh water. That you should’ve gotten around to digging a basement for you and your children to drown in on that fateful day.

Instead, you did nothing. Something about Colorforms needing your attention. And now, the wrong move will bring Total Destruction. Think! Should you purchase a ladder? Do you open wide and hope to catch all the rain in your mouth?

“I NEVER WANTED THIS! I WANTED TO BE A COMPUTER TECHNICIAN!”

There ain’t no more computers. The sun saw to that. Stars eat microchips.

It’s just you, your half-amphibian children and the horror of a late June downpour.

About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

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