V’s Statement Upon Buying a Magic Carpet

V’s Statement Upon Buying a Magic Carpet:

I pursued Magic Carpet technology for solely peaceful purposes. I bought this Magic Carpet on Store Credit. Which I will not repay. I do not find its pattern offensive. I enjoy soaring, carefree up above it all, with the angels my companions.

I will use this Magic Carpet primarily to enhance my map-making abilities. It will allow me a better view of the topography and locations of any mystical creatures. Which I will warn you about on my maps.

You may not borrow my Magic Carpet, for I intend to keep it with me at all times. I will conduct meetings aboard it. I will take my meals on it. It shall respond to my voice commands and will not require a steering wheel. And if I feel the most appropriate place to be during a social call is hovering mere inches above Chris’ head, so be it. With my Magic Carpet I am finally free.

You will not see me for many weeks now. I go in search of the eagle’s egg. Which I will attain thanks to my courage, my resolve and my Martha Stewart Magic Carpet.

Salaam Alaikum.


About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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