V’s Statement Upon Buying a Magic Carpet


V’s Statement Upon Buying a Magic Carpet:

I pursued Magic Carpet technology for solely peaceful purposes. I bought this Magic Carpet on Store Credit. Which I will not repay. I do not find its pattern offensive. I enjoy soaring, carefree up above it all, with the angels my companions.

I will use this Magic Carpet primarily to enhance my map-making abilities. It will allow me a better view of the topography and locations of any mystical creatures. Which I will warn you about on my maps.

You may not borrow my Magic Carpet, for I intend to keep it with me at all times. I will conduct meetings aboard it. I will take my meals on it. It shall respond to my voice commands and will not require a steering wheel. And if I feel the most appropriate place to be during a social call is hovering mere inches above Chris’ head, so be it. With my Magic Carpet I am finally free.

You will not see me for many weeks now. I go in search of the eagle’s egg. Which I will attain thanks to my courage, my resolve and my Martha Stewart Magic Carpet.

Salaam Alaikum.

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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