We will plan and host a little get together for all of the neighbors we don’t know too well. Have everyone over at one time so we can look at each other up close, for extended amounts of time.

Everyone will be responsible for preparing a Meat-Nut Pie and bringing it covered in plastic wrap held up by tastefully placed toothpicks. You can use icing for creative effect by shaping it into carrots or ham berries or cow teeth or whatever is inside your pie. Place it near the center so every slice gets a part. Don’t play favorites.

Let’s arrange these pies on the big table near the door so everyone can get a good look at them as they arrive. That way they’ll realize what they’re in for after they finish the Hot Dog Stew. You and Jenny get the notepad that’s under the phone. Write a number on each sheet and place it under each pie. We’ll have a secret ballot vote while we enjoy the pies. Later, whoever gets the least votes will be approached by the neighborhood association and persuaded to move. And if the voting goes well, we won’t have to throw another party.

Oh we’ll have such a good time.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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