MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL 06/13/11

This morning I shaved off my two week beard. As I shaved, I collected each little hair and arranged them onto a specially prepared cardboard template. It features a line-drawing of my face with the beard line left empty. Using a glue stick, I made the beard area sticky and recreated the beard’s shape and thickness. Once done, I neatly wrote the date, day, temperature and humidity and lucky number trio on the forehead area. Then reusing a plastic produce bag from a local grocer, I bagged it, tied it tight and placed it into file cabinet drawer 8.

If all goes well, thousands of years from now, scientists will be able to recreate my beard onto any ugly or hairless baby or cantaloupe they’ve elected ruler.

Immortality through grooming.

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About Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn’t. He can’t stand that shit.

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