Special boots are needed for this adventure. It’s going to get very squishy. Things will stick to your toes and leave marks. Marks you will not be proud of. Your feet are very precious. Without them, you’d be a defenseless set of ankles sitting on a bus bench.

These special boots are non-refundable. But they’re worth it, and you can pass them onto your children. They will protect your kids from the thousands of hungry mouths they’ll want to smash each day.

Chris Weagel

Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.

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