I am somewhat alarmed at the reports that the entire state of Arkansas is on fire. According to the literature they have an abundance of novelty museums and jim-jack shops. I was planning on spending my August volunteering at their Inside-Out Rubber Rabbit Factory and Memorial.
Now it looks like I’ll be using that vacation time to update my skin bandage albums. This year’s special focus is on the circular “mole-wound” category.

Lot of lawnmowers being parked on trampolines lately. I suspect it’s being done to protect them from panthers. This applies to homeowners whose storage sheds are full of bootleg video game cartridges. Rest of them are just crazy.

There's no such thing as a part-time Hot Air Balloon Factory.

Please, Alan, just ask your father for a job with the lathing machine.

Coming up on the annual Great Lifting of the Lake event. I know you don’t know about this event – this tradition – so I’m going to tell you about it. Press “Record” now. This event of lifting up all the lake water out of the lake started many decades ago. A local man by the name of Roger Rodgers Rogeré thought himself quite the scientist-inventor-spiritualist-banker-no-account-roofer-and-family-man. YOU SEE. Rodgers (or Roger) was spoken of all up and down the midwest puddle basin for his accomplishments in circling and highlighting. There wasn’t a text dense or deep enough for old Rodgers. In no time, he’d focus in on the key ideas of a paper and underline or lightly shade or otherwise draw attention to them using marking marks or Indian...

We do these things because they make us feel good. They reassure us. These acts require little paint and even less metal sanding. We can sit back, regulate our breathing and observe the framed Extended Stay Hotel lobby paintings as carried by moonlighting cafeteria workers while giving little to no feedback.