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The winter squash has arrived and it's mad. It's in a fury. There's no escape. Turn off the TV, pick up the chips. We've been laying here doing nothing for the last three days and now there's hell to pay. The squash is tired and up to its ass in home work and we're just sitting here doing nothing but dragging it down.
We're in for it now, that's for sure. Quietly eject the Tom Sawyer tape and don't rewind it. We'll start it up from that spot later. Right when Tom goes into the cave. Just don't let the squash see it.
ALRIGHT, EVERYONE OUTSIDE, LET'S MOVE CARS!
Tomorrow a large rally to protest the policies of unpopular Michigan Governor Rick Synder will take place in Lansing. There was a protest held there earlier today attended by more than 1,000 pissed-off senior citizens whose pensions Gov. Snyder wants to tax. That was just the orchestra tuning up. Snyder’s outlandish budget proposal would give even a goon like Scott Walker pause. Synder’s plan would raise taxes on the working class by 31% while cutting taxes for corporations by 86%
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The fact that most goats look alike, to begin with, makes distinguishing them hard enough. But the fact that, when placed in a group of 2 or more, they start to change their colors to match one another -- why it makes finding your family goat impossible. Which do you feed garbage and which do you milk? And just hope it doesn't happen on camera.
So What I Do Is, what I do is teach my goats to speak. Just like a human. So they can answer commands and call out, "I'm right here, daddy, I'm right here. Nevaeh is right here."
Nevaeh. That's "Heaven" backwards, but that's a different matter.
Sir, it is NOT in Vermont's best interest to paint the wildlife various shades of electric yellow. Even if it will benefit the state's prison population, there isn't enough in the budget to trap and release all river fish by hand let alone afford the waterproof paint! This is an outrage!
And so the call goes out: nail the stuffed animals to the telephone polls. From the ground to the sky, all sides, all shapes, all colors. And then bring the rains. Let them sag and soak and mildew. Let them shift and blend and deform and hang in ways unnatural to civilized men. Let this happen in front of the children.
And when the sparrows sing and the sky clears and the earth is calm, there they will be as reminder of our victory.
This we pray.