Coming up on the annual Great Lifting of the Lake event. I know you don’t know about this event – this tradition – so I’m going to tell you about it. Press “Record” now. This event of lifting up all the lake water out of the lake started many decades ago. A local man by the name of Roger Rodgers Rogeré thought himself quite the scientist-inventor-spiritualist-banker-no-account-roofer-and-family-man. YOU SEE. Rodgers (or Roger) was spoken of all up and down the midwest puddle basin for his accomplishments in circling and highlighting. There wasn’t a text dense or deep enough for old Rodgers. In no time, he’d focus in on the key ideas of a paper and underline or lightly shade or otherwise draw attention to them using marking marks or Indian...
Author - Chris Weagel
Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
We do these things because they make us feel good. They reassure us. These acts require little paint and even less metal sanding. We can sit back, regulate our breathing and observe the framed Extended Stay Hotel lobby paintings as carried by moonlighting cafeteria workers while giving little to no feedback.
The various Middle-Aged White Men Groups around town gathered last week to admire each other’s stomachs and choose a new ethnic group’s name to begin egregiously mispronouncing in their speeches and prayer circles this Fall.
After much debate, the association settled upon the kangaroo.
With the demise of printed encyclopedias comes additional forms of lawlessness. The preponderance of ostriches and other exotic birds being kept as pets is new. Some are being welcomed into the home and included in family portraits. Car fires are left burning often for weeks at a time. Magazine racks are found in total disarray. Covers folded back, subscription cards cover the floor. Many of them are half filled in with obvious fake names and lurid addresses. Pencils sit unsharpened, a nuisance to themselves and others. The Pope has taken a bride. With only the internet’s abundance of crude flash animations of beloved pop culture figures debasing themselves, we are a people adrift. Just having the encyclopedia’s extra index volume’s explanation of punctuation form and...
Fascist Insane Asylum with ice cream.
Never believe anything you read here about coupons, discounts or special offers.
I do not have the authority to grant such enticements.
I often think about those ready-to-bake crescent rolls and dinner biscuits sold in your grocer’s refrigerated section. They come in paper tubes. Little strips and wads of raw dough are tightly packed into these tubes. A simple twist and POP! the tube splits open, dough erupts in all directions. I think about this mechanism, the concept behind it, the sense of power it gives you. And then I think about all the evolutionary twists and turns, blind alleys, reversals, loops and circles that humans, and life itself, really, had to make for a need for such food tools to arise. Kings deciding who lives and who dies. Oceans roiling and splitting. Mass extinctions, amassing. And I think: all of it – all of it – lead us up to this point. And I shudder...
The electronic boot is making a comeback. The new ones have both front and side zippers. They come in Neon Gray and Yellow Yellow. Your daddy’d wear them, but he’d never admit it.
That is all.