Author - Chris Weagel

You…Horace…you have angered croquet mountain.

Before I got into this croquet business – which is a fine business, by the way, I've recommended it to my son – before I got into this, I used to design those subscription cards that fell out of magazines back in the 20th century. Did it by hand. It was a fine business. Real clear limits on creativity. Firm, very firm.

Croquet is distinguished by being one of the few games one can play entirely while seated at one's desk.
As above, so below.

And now we have the croquet-themed divorce.
[shakes head]
How far will America stray from God's love…?

It's been said it's not a proper Croquet game until you've first fallen down a flight of stairs.
And it has also been said a man cannot eat a helicopter without considerable regret. Now my knee has been troubling me for some time and if I could just get you to cup your hand around my left calf I'm going to push and that's it.
Oh there's a whipper.
Now, there, good. Tell me, now, how are the adoption rates in this city?

In, Montana…
“Yes, Bill?”
…they play croquet with bears. Real big ones.
“Bill, now don't get up, I just want to borrow this rain coat. It's brighter than mine.”
Get out of my yard.

A gentleman's game is croquet. A gentleman's dignity is his bib. A gentleman's glass eye collection is not discussed. A gentleman's laugh is his downfall.

And now, with roll call behind us, we can begin room and toiletry inventory. Remember to keep smiling at a minimum.