Chris Weagel writes about the intersection of technology and parenting for Wired Magazine. No he doesn't. He can't stand that shit.
Who isn’t terrified of Oprah Winfrey at this point? A human volcano that gives as often as she takes. First Borns, too. None of this business with goats. I hear she’s equipped with lasers. I hear all kinds of things! Who knows what’s real? Oprah gives up sliced tomatoes? No sliced tomatoes in this town!
I’ll tell you this, I’ll tell you this: I keep all those little plastic margarine tubs, because you never know what she’s sending down next.
Oh my God. Move over, I need to sit down.
Favorite Internal Organ: stomach eight years running
Favorite Ghost: Bill Cosby, Ghost Dad
Favorite International Car Crash: Underground Russian Tunnel Bus Wrecks
Favorite Former Center of Trade and Culture: Alberta
Favorite Dollar Store Item: Dusty Fire Extinguisher under pile of broken Easter baskets
Favorite Former US Senator: Stevie Wonder
Favorite Bite Mark: Owl Beak
Favorite TV Show that never existed: Underwater Christmas Hour
The majority of America thinks cuts to Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, K-12 education, heating assistance to low-income families, student loans, unemployment insurance, and scientific and medical research are completely unacceptable. In contrast, Americans find a progressive tax policy very acceptable. The overwhelming majority of America supports additional taxes on millionaires and billionaires, eliminating unnecessary weapons systems, eliminating tax credits for the oil and gas industries, phasing out Bush tax cuts, and eliminating subsidies for new nuclear power plants. Poll after poll give voice to what Americans are asking of us.
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Tragedy has struck again in St Clair Shores as the Central District Dairy Queen has burned to the ground. Authorities are not certain what caused the fire, though they've ruled out sabotage.
Due to the explosive nature of the Pineapple Syrup, trawlers reported the fireball could be seen miles from shore. No employees were hurt but the store parakeet, Sandy, perished in her cage next to the Dilly Bar machine. The many Little League and junior Field Hockey teams the store served have been dividing up amongst the town's other 18 ice cream stands and hot pretzel carts.
Not the best start to the season.
Three days now since we stopped for souvenir hats and lighter fluid at that place near where the river ran dry. I gave the guy at the counter all of my Canadian coins and he didn’t object to their use of wildlife imagery. Even placed three of their little-too-shiny pennies in his mouth and swallowed. Or at least gulped real hard. The hat came with an extra sweatband in a plastic bag. He pointed it out to me, rolled up behind the rim or else I would’ve missed it. He did so without making a sound. Even fresh, a sweatband from down south is slightly yellow under the Yankee sun. Still, I forgive him. He had a nice little shop with plenty of alligator cartoons on the walls and no loose children to make you feel guilty about taking up the government’s offer of free...
Questions about the viability of Felt Puppetry have been raised in recent days. Are the costs too much for society? Does it have a place in our Microwave Oven, Remote Television Clicker Box world? How is it contributing to the unrest in Myanmar? Although Felt Puppetry’s questioners are sincere, their concerns are unfounded. This swirl of hysteria is fueled in large part by shadowy players in the Sand Animation and Electronic Goat industries. Their interests run counter to the public’s embrace of Felt Puppetry for information presentation and reliable companionship. Further concerns are connected to the public’s longstanding unease with Felt Puppetry’s miniature clothing, falling as it does somewhere between child and midget. In reality Felt Puppetry has proven an...
