Take some time out this January to join your local Ash Tray Society. Seek out others who share your dysfunction. Arrange to spend time with them alone in a secured space. Bring your most prized ash trays so that others may come to know your interests and respect them. And they will respect you. It won't be earned respect but obligatory, the kind a dog owes its master. Stand before them on the little stage built by volunteers and demonstrate your mastery of this subject. A mastery of glass ash trays. Ensure that they leave humbled. Then retire to the game room and ready yourself for challenge.
Accept bruises but demand submission.
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