Tag Archives: garage
Morning Constitutional 04/29/11

Morning Constitutional 04/29/11

Ever have the unfortunate experience of looking into one of those clear plastic Honey Bear honey bottles only to see, trapped in the golden sludge, a tiny, little human being, a mask of horror locked onto its face? How did he end up there, so far from home? How long has he been in there? Minutes? Years? Why isn’t he just a skeleton? If the honey is that good at preserving his features, what on earth is it doing to my digestive track? Did his village send a search party out for him? Where is his village? Ohio? Think they have charming little bed and breakfasts? Am I just stereotyping? And what of this restaurant? What kind of place is this with little people getting into the food? What’s going on in that kitchen? What’s trapped inside this opaque mustard squeeze bottle? If, in the act of squeezing honey onto my fruit crapes, the little man ends up on my plate, will he make an audible crunch in my mouth? Will my table mates think me a barbarian? Will they want a bite? Who are they to expect I cover tip since they’re only having water? What if I’m just a limbless corpse, hallucinating all this in an infirmary somewhere after World War 1? Why’s it so humid here? Where’s the waiter? Why’s this happening to me? Why are you saying I’m shouting? What are you doing with that fork? WHO TURNED OFF ALL THE LIGHTS?! What is this?!

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HD LAB ENTRY #120: Garage Door

HD LAB ENTRY #120: Garage Door

A 45 second video of a garage door opening and closing. Know this video and you shall know me.

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AMERICAN KING #8

AMERICAN KING #8 – Life Plan

Garrett and Chris retire for the evening behind his parents’ garage. Garrett discusses his outlook, his three-step life plan, and thoughts on his legacy.

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AMERICAN KING #2

AMERICAN KING #2 – Self-Interview

Arriving home, Garrett finds an odd scene behind his garage: A lit candle, two chairs, a golf putter, and a pair of boxer shorts. So Garrett decides to conduct a self-interview.

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CAPT DALE 11: Capt Dale Show

CAPT DALE 11: Capt Dale Show

Capt Dale takes matters into his own hands. Originally posted to
 Human Dog in 2003. Written & Directed by: Michael Schwartz.

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SUMMER OF V

SUMMER OF V – Week 1: Summer of VanTorre

Welcome to V. Originally published to HumanDogBooks.com, Summer 2001.

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HD LAB ENTRY #29: PERMIT No. PGS04725

HD LAB ENTRY #29: PERMIT No. PGS04725

Certified and Authorized.

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