You are now the leader of the so-called sitters class. What color cushion would you like?
DEPT: Blog
THIS IS THE BLOG OF THE HUMAN DOG.
THIS IS IMPORTANT EVIDENCE OF THE END OF THE WORLD.
ALSO THE OCCASIONAL RECIPE.
THANK YOU.
Today’s cereal prize: Ambassadorship to Moldova
Tomorrow’s cereal prize: Scabies
Eat all the soap you want. You’re still going to hell.
His birthday wish came true: today it rained shovels.
Excellent impulse buys! Plenty of off-brand lip balm sticks!
Only careful, thoughtful overturning of our country’s many picnic tables has a chance of slowing down global climate change.
In this or any century.
I would like to get a masters degree in specialty soaps. In fact, I'd like two.
Professor Hippopotamus never existed. They’re recalling all the ice cream.
They will soon be transformed into ghastly insect graveyards.
Don’t Worry — It’s already too late!
I had won the battle for a smaller cheese, yes. But I still had these rubber hands. The judge looked displeased. Was now the time to tell him about his daughter?
BECAUSE IT WAS JANET! IT WAS JANET THE WHOLE TIME! SHE’S JANET! LOOK IN HER EYES! THEY’RE FILLED WITH SNAKES! LET GO OF ME!!